I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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