bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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