Don't make out with my wife yet
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
bring money and cleavage
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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