They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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