Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
