If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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