Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
