My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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