Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
