I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
