the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
