Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
