i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize