She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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