and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
its liver damage thursday
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
