I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Terrible idea I love it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
