Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
