someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
