omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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