My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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