I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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