If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
