i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We just shotgunned beers for America
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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