Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
