that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize