singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
