He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we made out on top of his cat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
