What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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