low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
