my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
