mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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