Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
