"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
