News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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