his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have fence marks all over my body
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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