Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
