I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
