Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
