Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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