this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
