i don't like sucking hair
Ketchup is God's man juice
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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