Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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