Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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