Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize