we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
