he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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