ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
