Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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