I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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