We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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