Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
