I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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