some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
