It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
