ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
