She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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