why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
