if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
