Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
