i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
