I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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