first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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