you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
