he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
