he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
