Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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