Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're my little dorito
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize