Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
