it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
