Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
