Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
