my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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