I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
