If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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