don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
