It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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