he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
