the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
