i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize