I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
