I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What a dumb baby whore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
