So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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