Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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