trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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