I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
