Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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