I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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