I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
