I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
